Star of the Month: November

It was a long process. In 2006, we began the procedure for adopting a child from China. We did quite a bit of research on adoption agencies, and after we chose one to work with, we completed their application process. After being accepted into the program, we started what's often referred to as the "paper chase." We had three homestudy visits from social workers, during which time the social workers inspected our house and asked us all    kinds of intrusive and personal questions about our experiences growing up, work life, family life, marriage, parenting philosophies, health history, religious beliefs, etc. We also had to complete a "self-study," which was a written account of those things listed above. We had to complete forms related to our finances. We had to have our employers complete letters that stated our incomes and job security. Our physician had to complete physical forms for us and comment on our general physical and mental health. All of those written forms had to be signed by us and by a notary public, and then we had to send the forms away to be authenticated by the state government (to assure that the notaries were actually notaries). We had to complete an adoption course, which we were able to do online. We had to have a background check completed and had to be finger printed. (All in all, I had to be fingerprinted five times, which involved four trips to the Federal Building in Des Moines.) Our paperwork was logged into China's program on 9/29/2006. When we began the process, the length of time between the log-in date and being matched with a child was 8-10 months. 

We waited. Our U.S. government paper work expired, so we had to re-file that and get fingerprinted again.

The China program slowed down substantially. After about a year and a half of waiting, we decided to pursue other options. It took us a long time to research other adoption programs, and we were concerned about making sure our adoption would be an ethical one. We considered Vietnam's program, as we knew someone who had gone through that process, but just as we were beginning the paper work, the U.S. government shut down the program. We decided to apply to a domestic adoption program. We had to complete a new self-study and have the social worker make another homestudy visit. We had to create a "profile," which essentially was a scrapbook about our lives that expectant birth parents could look at as they were considering which adoptive parents they would choose for their child.

We waited. The agency we were now using would occasionally send out e-mail messages about special cases of children who were difficult to place with adoptive parents due to health concerns or due to a failure to locate a birth father (which meant that if the the birth father did show up later, he could refuse to allow the adoption to occur, which is a big legal risk for adoptive parents). In June of 2009, we received a message about a child in the agency's Ethiopian program. This 10-month-old infant had been matched with a family, but the adoption didn't go through. We decided to pursue adoption of this child, who was named Haile Michael. Although several families had expressed an interest in adopting Haile, the agency gave us the opportunity to do so because we had been waiting in their domestic adoption program the longest--we had been waiting for over a year.

We had to fill out even more paper work. We also received some medical information about Haile, which we sent to the University of Minnesota's International Adoption Clinic. They reviewed the information for us to let us know if there were any issues we should be concerned about. We had to have yet another visit from our social worker and more updates to our financial information. We had to complete another "self-study" as well. An attorney in Ethiopia represented us in court, so we had to complete paper work related to that. 

In January, 2010, we traveled to Ethiopia. On our first full day there, we met Haile. On the second day, we visited him again in the orphanage. He was very, very quiet. On the third day, the orphanage director brought Haile to our hotel and he was with us for the rest of the trip. We had a US Embassy appointment. Then we came home on an 18-hour plane trip.

Since returning home with Haile, we've had three additional post-placement visits from our social worker. We had to re-adopt Haile in the US. Each year until Haile is 18, we'll complete an annual report, complete with photos of Haile.

And, we're still waiting to be matched with a child from China. It's been five years since our log-in date in that program.

What was the hardest part of the process?

 It's probably a tie between the waiting and the complicated paper work.

What is your favorite memory from the process?

The first night in our hotel room as a family. Haile was shy and timid, but he smiled and was playful. He was exhausted and slept between us, and we spent a couple hours just watching him sleep.

Was your child in foster care before you adopted them?

No. Haile had lived in three orphanages. The last one was officially a "transition" house, which housed 20 children.

Have you or do you plan to talk to your child about the adoption?

 Yes, he is proud that he is Ethiopian, and we tell him the story of the adoption process and our trip. We've talked a little bit about his birth family, but he's more interested at this point in hearing stories about the three of us.

Why did you choose to adopt children?

 We've always been concerned about overpopulation, and we knew we would be able to love and nurture a child who wasn't biologically related to us. Chris and I also agreed that we didn't feel a need to parent a newborn child. We considered having a biological child, but once we started researching adoption, it really felt like the best choice for our family.

Are there any media (books, movies, etc) related to adoption that you use for either you or your child?

 Not at this point, but we have some on hand to use later.

Are/were there any support groups (or something similar) that you are a part of?

Yes. I connected with a group of people who were (and are) adopting from China. Some of them pursued adoption through other programs, some of them adopted special needs children from China, and some of them, like us, are still waiting. We continue to keep in touch with families we traveled with, and there's also a group of families in the Cedar Valley who have adopted from Ethiopia that we see on occasion.

How did you decide where to adopt your child from?

We first decided on China because we knew other people who had adopted through that program. In the end, it was by chance that we went to Ethiopia. 

What do you do to incorporate your child's culture into their life?

We have several books about Ethiopia that Haile loves to read. He watches videos of Ethiopian dancing, and we listen to Ethiopian music. We attempt to make Ethiopian food, and we go to Minneapolis several times a year (there's a large Ethiopian population there). We also are fortunate that Wartburg has so many international students from Ethiopia. 

  *Lindsay